Sunday, November 14, 2010


"freedom of the mind is the only freedom there is.." Iris Murdoch.

The more free the mind, the more joy is experienced. Joy IS an experience.
It doesn't happen as a result of thinking but of being present to NOW.

Joy comes through you, not from you and it comes through when you do not block it with programmed beliefs or any kind of resistance to what is. So it sort of comes up from within you, but not from your mind. It is beyond your thinking.
It takes a lot of courage, fearlessness and sincerity to remove blocks and programming.
Sincerity is to love the truth and to see that truth is the greatest good.
Awakening and spiritual awareness is not about perfection. It's all about wholeness.
It's not about having what you want but having things as they are! Loving things as they are.

Joy is always loving, pure, unadalterated and heart centred. It cannot be manipulated; if it is it's a happy moment.

Living a heart's desire or experiencing a connection and being present in the moment creates Joy.

Do YOU want to come out of hiding? The truth of who you are is just behind the screen/mask (the ego) and we quite naturally justify where we are to keep our alignment.. it's the best we can do in any given moment. it is not always the
truest path for us however.

It's good for us to s-t-r-e-t-c-h beyond the mind and ask "what's possible?"
Ponder for a moment, what might it feel like to be doing what I love? what might I do if I could do anything? what might I sell if I could sell anything? and here is an invitation to be ruthlessly honest with your answers.

If there was one thing I could do and know I could not fail, what would that one thing be?

what is my heart's desire? How best may I serve the Community, family and friends, and still be completely serving myself? What is your song that you have to give to the World?

I'm inviting you to have a look at and some ideas of how to unwrap some JOY for you. YOU are who you've been waiting for. It is all within, all the answers. Loving where you are now as you have created it, and taking full responsibility for ALL that comes into your life.


Monday, December 28, 2009

24 days in India 2009. An Inner Adventure

No car, no keys, no flat. Bohemian – gypsy .. In flow, in possession of one air ticket to KERALA.
I walked down the hill from my daughters apartment and took the ferry into Circular Quay .. to connect with a train to Sydney airport.

My skirt rode up at the back under the heavy weight of my knapsack .. and was almost at knicker level when I became aware of it !! an almost vey embarrassing moment.

I flew out on November 12th 2009 to Singapore. I changed airlines and flew Silk Air into Trivanderum, the southern most airport in India quite near the Equator.
The 80 year old couple sitting next to me on the plane didn’t know what the white paper serviette was for and after watching him study it painstakingly, I suggested he place it between his tray and his mouth and he looked very grateful.
He continuously spat into a bag and his wife never let go of her tight clutch on the wrapped plastic blanket and air pillow, even whilst she ate.

Since as this was an all new experience for me and I hadn’t been to India for 16 years, I had arranged a driver to collect me from the Wild Palms Hotel.. so there he stood with a sign with my name on it ! I experienced a little jump of joy in my heart when I saw his smile.
A lovely warm sensation of excitement was drawing me inwards.

I am at the right place at the right time.

I settled into my room at the little hotel .. and in my excitement I forgot to lock the door on the inside. I found huge bolts for just this purpose, when I awoke in the morning.

The first rule I remembered was not to lick my lips in the shower.
I sorted my bags because its what I do! I have Mary with me.. an ornament of Mother Mary and a picture of Meher Baba. I always carry a photograph of my family and everywhere I go, I lay these things together like a small puja.

After a simple breakfast and chatting to two Russian girls, I walked the 10 minutes to the money changer.
I experienced continuous honking of horns, tuk-tuks going right, left and centre, a long row of empty busses waiting on the side of the street near a boys school and a colossal roundabout with people and cars going in all directions!
I found a small Fragrant shop and purchased some bergamot, ylang ylang and rose oils for $5.00
I ordered a fruit lhassi .. no salt and no sugar and it was delicious.
I was dripping wet with perspiration before I returned to the Hotel.
During this venture there was zero soliciting; nothing more than curious glances and a feeling of respectability. Actually, no one harassed me during my entire time in India. Perhaps I am getting old.!

During the late night airport drive to the hotel, I had arranged for Daemon the driver to collect me at midday the next day, and drive me the half hour to Kovalum.

Whilst waiting under the fan in my big bedroom, I rested in awareness. When my mind was completely still, a note was heard! It was an indescribable sound of divine hum/love from an angelic realm. My thoughts jumped right in and prevented it from continuing.

The drive south was event free and Daemon found me a lovely hotel with a balcony overlooking the Arabian Sea.

The room had air conditioning and felt like heaven.
I had a beer with lunch, for some silly reason and then slept too deeply. I guess the few hours jet lag didn’t help!
I forced my self out of the room at 7 to find something to eat and was privileged to find rice pudding and a lhassi!
I met here an interesting Italian from Verona called Franco. During his working days he was a heart transplant surgeon. He works with organizations that help people and on this trip he was helping drop-outs from high school.
He said Italy is like a junkyard, full of corruption. But every piece of junk has a little piece of “gold”. He also said Brazil is very violent and South Africans won’t help themselves.

Started a little cast over. I walked toward the cafes very early and everything was closed. I met a local, Dianna from England, who runs a Yoga School.

I returned from my room to watch 50 people push a boat out and pull it in, with almost no catch. They repeated the process several times a day as if it was the first time they had done it .. with ever increasing enthusiasm.

Later in the day I met Margaret from Vienna and she recommended an Ayurvedic treatment, so I spent the $7.50 AUD on a wonderful life transforming session! It was a 2 hour massage with Garda. She applied hot oil on both sides of me, on my head, my feet. Then she applied a face pack and gave my body a salt scrub. Then she led me to the shower, completely washed me, shampooed my hair and then dried me! So lovely.

The heavens opened up before I departed the saloon, and I arrived at the hotel wet and very relaxed. I noticed I was feeling light and deeply joyful.

I observed that when I get any physical symptom like increased heart beat, it relates to what I am thinking about.

In a meditation I spoke with Ramana Maharshi.
Ramana is a holy Master to me. A friend.
“I see your eyes so really; a gentleness. Loving. Can I assist you to release” I asked of him.
I asked why he had cancer.
He said, his mother …… and then I observed my own heart beat increase, and I felt it was his mother’s pain, or his pain for his mother, creating the cancer.

I observed, in the feeling of it, it is reduced and even released.
I received the words “Demonstrate Joy and Aliveness.”
Yoga is to be Joy. Yoga of Life. Don’t be too serious!!

DaY 3

Wow!! I awoke very early and felt it to be a day of celebration. I relaxed, listened to music, meditated. In a vision I saw a cochin symbol. The inside of a shell, the spiral.

I ventured out at around 6 am and had to step over two sleeping security guards sleeping on the floor in the hall! The night patrol.

I walked up the beach and met 2 dogs who adopted me for a while. The hierarchy was interesting! A few husky type dogs wouldn’t let them pass by and then when they eventually did, my travelling companions would not let others pass. After some time they became distracted and danced away from me.

I walked along to a little German Bakery – it was closed, then I espied a cafĂ© with a Goddess sitting at one of the tables, smoking a cigarette and drinking black coffee.
We made an immediate connection. Her name is Barbara. She was from Germany, lived in Sweden and now living in Nepal. She spoke of the cochin symbol, and the town Cochin 100 km north of where we were.
“Are you going to do what you want or what you think you should do? How do you know what you want unless you know who you are.” We discussed teaching a workshop together in Nepal one day.

I wandered back to my hotel later and saw again Franco from Verona, about to return to Venice. An interesting traveller, but then most travellers are, when you hear their story.

All of a sudden it is Day 6 and I am at Neeyar Dam, the Sivananda Yoga Centre, chatting with the delightful room mate in my ormitory, Manoshba from Moombai.

Daemon drove me here in his taxi, too fast and tooting constantly! He couldn’t slow down or not toot, so I didn’t ask him to.!
Dinner at the ashram.. served on a tin plate, lentils, rice, coconut, vegetables.
No cutlery. Fingers only! Slip-slop!!
I enjoyed the yoga, the food, the place and in particular the people.

On Day 2 here we had a Ganesha Ceremony; an opportunity to let go of something and ask for what we want.
I asked for a calm mind, to reduce thinking and to create more peace and harmony.
I observed of myself that I complained regularly.
“I can’t sit on this hard floor!”
“I have to lean back”
“I’m too hot”
“I want some tea, some sweet tea!”

I thought to myself.. just stop this complaining!
What are you stirring the pot (my imagination) with?

Karma yoga is “service”. My karma yoga or job.. is to serve afternoon tea each day.
We have about 300 people here at the Sivananda Yoga Centre. Accommodation is varied. Where I am there is dormitory style, about 15 cubicles with two beds in each cubicle, and a fan and mosquito net.

The yoga is amazing! Sun salutation and Asanas that I mostly cannot do.
I notice that here people are not as blissed out, content or even joyful as I'd thought perhaps they might be. The Teachers Training participants seem to be rather vibrant and enjoy the challenge of their journeying.
Sivananda, the discoverer of this system was an Enlightenede man and they say he didnt truly want to be worashipped in his human body.
vishnu Devananda was the same. Most enlightened people seem to be saying the same thing. Take Osho. He requested that we look for God within. "I am giving you direction, I am the pointer, not the point to where you go. You find that within."

During one morning satsang I found it much too loud, so I wandered out to the garden with a marvellously inspiring young woman from Dunedin.
She suggested taking up a PRACTICE. I call it a morning routine.
Being your day with complete conscious physical body relaxation.. toes to head. completely relax every muscle, sensation. Then use a morning prayer, a gift of gratitude, acknowledge the Divine, walk in nature and put your intention clearly to the Universe.
Enjoy experience high quality thinking.. what are you putting into the pot.. the ingredients for the cake you will eat all day tomorrow!
Enjoy a mala, rosary to reduce blood pressure, moving one bead with each conscious breath.

Something special she shared was
"If you love someone, ask not what they can do for you, but what you can do for them."



what do i really want from life?
Emotional freedom to give lightness and love without any conditions.

OK -- sincere apologies. I didnt continue this to the end. I loved Varkala and I totally respect the Indian people. they don't winge like westerners; they find joy in what they have. sort of a glass is half-full rather than half empty attitude.
Many Blessings

The Kingdom of Heaven is within you ... Seek there first and all else will be added unto you.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Enough Searching..

Hello friends,
Well the void comes and goes at the speed of .... light! I'm in there, I'm out of there.

This week I have found a most interesting website, quite "accidentally" from a twitter friend
this is the work of a true Master. She signs "...affectionately, Alice" and does not display email, telephone, blog.. nothing! A true Master with true words.

She offers a 9 step process toward mastering the Mind and achieving Mastery over thoughts, which continues to lightness and JOIE. that most magic of words.

I've had an interesting few days, which I'd love to tell you about.
I've begun to become aware that my self worth is less than I'd ever thought. I have none, zero, and I'm not a victim here. I am responsible. I have never allowed my self to fall back into this before. I have always maintained an egotistical facade of "I'm okay, I'm a survivor!"
So many times I've read that money relates to worth and I've thought ... it can't do. I feel very wealthy, even though my bank balance does not reflect that. And until now I always felt my self worth was passable.

2 days ago in a meditation I observed the words "self-worth" float into my consciousness. I sat with it for a bit.
then a Master said to me, "Don't get out of bed until you find some meaning to your life". So I stayed in bed until 10ish. Then I jumped out of bed when I realised that .. ME.. I must give me some attention. I am enough of a reason to get out of bed.!

Today has been revealing, which I suppose means incredibly healing. I've observed how little self-esteem I actually have; how little purpose, drive or enthusiasm to achieve anything for my self. I luxuriate regularly in the dream of being Captain of my own boat, and I see now I haven't driven the choice home.
Buddhist books say drop desire. So whilst I hold this boat in the back of my mind continuously, it is not up there in my super conscious, I guess.. because it has not appeared in my consciousness yet. and I teach and demonstrate that this process works.. so the boat will appear.

Meanwhile honey-babes, thank you for reading.! Truly.

I am going to Kerala, India for November and December to do some yoga.. Sivananda style, Vedanta. Advaita. All hmmmm... bliss to my presence. Stay tuned for tune ups..

Much love,

Sunday, July 5, 2009


I chose to research and learn about the Taoist philosophy as a way of being when my children were very little.
Once I stepped up for the first lesson/experience/unveiling, it was as if I was on a fast moving train and to step off was unimaginable and certainly didn’t feel feasible.
In hindsight I see one can pause at any time. Simply pause and take time out. For me I was in for the ride, fully enthusiastic. There seemed no turning back, and at times it felt the choice was not my own, but a Higher Force that enfolded and embraced me.
My journey of self discovery, which continues always, has included healing relationships present and past, creating, manifesting with ease and grace, learning to travel lightly both physically and emotionally. I let go of ownership, righteousness, material goods and simply choose freedom.
In 1995 I sold my washed lettuce business, sold the townhouse which was our family home, left an eight year relationship with an Italian wine producer and bought myself a little white dog and called him Merlin. He, I often thought, kept me on the ground, to some extent!

Briefly, the philosophy of the Tao means the natural order of things or The Way. Without force, without attachment and without judgment. Just a forever expanding freedom of the mind. It just IS.
The reasons I imbibed Taoism are very deep within me. In the very cells of my being I desired to have complete freedom, without really knowing what it meant. Spiritual freedom, emotional freedom, financial freedom. It’s a quietening of the demanding inner voice that says .. “this is how it should be, because this is how it has always been.”
However, I often asked my self, does it work? Life, the way it is, is it enough?

Taoism involves not infringing or impinging or needing others to be different from the way they are. Not needing, not blaming, not even over the top celebrating.. just equanimity, acceptance and allowing.
My personal journey has been to not hold material wealth at an emotional cost, and to be happy with that choice.
Accepting everything as it is.
The one and only Taoist “regimen” for the sake of a better word, is you are responsible .. completely responsible for everything that occurs in your life. Metaphysically, in the invisible.. everything is created by you and the Universe is only ever your perception, through your eyes. The Universe is seen differently by every person, according to their conscious awareness and every person is the centre of their Universe. The I. Until one day comes the realization that we are All One. But its deeper than a realization. It’s an evolutionary experience!

My chant was given to me by Stuart Wilde..
“I am eternal, immortal, Universal and Infinite and what I am has beauty and strength. Everything in this day is for my highest good. Everything in this day is for my highest evolution. I am always in the right place at the right time and everything I need comes to me. All is well. So Be It.”

Initially, when introduced to the Taoist philosophy, I didn’t truthfully know what I was doing. I refer to that time now as my very unconscious time. I just knew very clearly that I was not interested in following belief systems and conditioning like a trained monkey.

I remember hesitating before embracing Taoisms, and thinking, do they want you to be poor? Do you have to give away your money to become one with this philosophy?
I was told “Definitely not, this philosophy, or way of life, encourages abundance and unlimited choice. So I took to it, like a duck to water. No more hesitation.

Pause and breathe. Be calm. You can’t blame anyone for anything. You must forgive all and be responsible for everything that comes your way.
Some of these ideas took me months and years to fully come to terms with.

Material wealth became less important to me than conscious awareness and so freedom became my focus.
I was not willing to do what was required to gain a home and security outside of myself. I was only interested in developing my inner sense of freedom, and to understand the Higher Power of creation.
I resisted God for a long time because of religious links to the word.

Wealth, well, I couldn’t say it has eluded me, as I have never felt poor. I’ve always felt incredibly abundant. Even though I do not own material things, I always have a grand place to live. I have awareness, yes, which gives me spiritual wealth. If you don’t have it, you cannot know what it is.

My basic needs of having a roof over my head and food to eat have always been met. The more I have experienced freedom, the more I appreciate little things like actually having a bed to sleep on.! So much that is taken for granted.

Taoism creates the space to be incredibly grateful, which is an attitude that leads to inner peace and calm. And So It Is. .. more soon.. Blessed Be.